I am sitting in my new home cuddled under a heated blanket in my ever faithful rocking chair. Things are settling fairly quickly despite the fact we only moved in a few days ago. I wish I could say a calmness has come about from this move but my anxiety is still lurking in every thought I make. It's maddening yet I try my hardest to keep my mindset focused on the NOW and not the future or past. Both of which are triggers for my multiple panic attacks a day. This girl has so much work to do within herself. I openly admit that, and I am not ashamed of that fact. I think there will always be pieces of me needing work, some more than others.
When this year started I had envisioned myself in such a different position then I am presently. This isn't to say I am not grateful for the lessons being brought forth through my struggles. And I am proud to say I have gained nothing but strength and courage these past months. But I would be completely lying if I didn't say I am heartbroken over the way my life is playing out right now.
Things are going to be changing- and I am going to need to be stronger than ever, or at least fake it until I make it. One step at a time I begin to move myself towards self reliance.
In other news Pixie has been giving me a little bit of trouble, she has been crying constantly for a few days now. I am thinking it must be a growth spurt, but boy do those wear any mama out. Especially an already exhausted mama with two other active toddlers running about.
The kids love their new home and the gorgeous pond in the backyard. I have to get some pictures up as soon as things are a little more decorated! I am excited to have another fresh start in home decor.
With tomorrow being Thanksgiving I want to always remind myself to keep gratitude a priority in my life, despite whatever happens on a daily basis. I am grateful for my children and the love they lavish me in. I am grateful for a roof over my head and a husband who supports his family always. I am grateful for the sun. Fresh air in the morning, frost glistening on the grass when I wake up, and smiles from my baby girl.
Happy Thanksgiving my sweet babies!!