I am hesitant to approach this subject yet, as it all seems so premature right now. However I have been up since 5:30 am on a morning where the kids are at their grandparents and I could have been sleeping in mulling everything over. So I might as well spill my heart before I explode with too many thoughts.
I feel like I am standing in the middle of a long red line. One end says Start and the other Finish. I teeter between running back to the beginning and slowly making my way to the end.
And I am rambling... What does this all mean?
The house we love oh so much has been on the market for years now. We rent month to month under the pretense that if it ever sells we will be finding a new home. We agreed to this arrangement because at the time packing up and leaving didn't seem so hard emotionally. Within the past couple months it seems that there has been interest in the house by one person and he is doing all the processes it takes to buy the home. This includes having people here quite a bit looking around checking everything out. All the while the kids and I hang around trying to keep out of the way. Trace is completely confused by whats going on and he continually asks why these strangers are in our house.
I feel terrible about the whole situation. He loves this home, he loves his room and we have moved so much in the past 3 years. Well, ok, once a year. But each time he has become adjusted to his surroundings and even more so in this home. He has blossomed while living here and I am so grateful for that. So here I am at the crack of dawn searching through home listings with the feeling of excitement mixed with the bittersweet taste of leaving our first little "real" home as a family.
I have spent over a week stirring in my thoughts about the whole thing. And I smiled on more occasions then not. I laugh to myself because five years ago I would have looked at this situation and burst into hopeless tears. How would we ever find a place to love as much as we love this home? But now my every thought on the subject is HOPE. And the BELIEF that the next step in our path is something greater and more beautiful for our family. I am strong in the faith that anything and everything I want is possible and we will obtain our dream home.The growth I have achieved in the areas of positivity and the conviction that the Universe molds to my thoughts and beliefs has eased every transition I have encountered in the past few years. And for me that is huge
I am so excited to house hunt and run my fingers against smooth cool granite counter tops. I want to tickle my toes in the grass of a lush big backyard. I want to look out the front door of our potential home and see the neighborhood my children will grow up in. I want to stand in the driveway where Trace will learn to ride a bike.
I want it all, and I know it is right around the corner.
Every door that closes leaves nothing but a bigger opportunity on the other side.
If this buyer ends up not getting the house we do have the potential to stay but the more I think about it the more buying a home before Pixie arrives sounds alluring. Sure, packing while pregnant (for the second time) is going to completely suck but being settled in a place that is truly ours will feel amazing.
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P.s. I am 25 weeks pregnant! Where the heck is time flying to?! Pixie girl is a lively one and spends lots of time kicking and playing in her warm womb room. I am chomping at the bit to meet her!
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