Confessions

Exhausted mama

This mama is tired. Very very tired. It's a mix of sleepless nights filled with day (night) dreaming about the next chapter of our lives and waking earlier and earlier because of the kids. I have no clue how my two kids do it but they have this keen sense of when the other is waking up, and even though they are in completely separate rooms they always wake up at the same exact time. Lately around 5 am. And there is no getting them back to sleep again. 

As much as I keep my mind focused on the positive and beautiful like my husband and I are making for ourselves and our children, I cannot help but sink into the feeling of despair after a crappy night of sleep and long day of refereeing my toddlers. 

Potty training is still going strong and I am so happy Trace has taken to it so well, so much so that he refuses to ever go back in diapers. Big win for me! But my neurotic clean freak self is going nuts looking at all the spots on the carpet. If it isn't urine spots it's a spot from trying to scrub the urine clean. For some reason the carpet doesn't wash clean fully- it keeps the stain of water and does not come out! It is driving me nuts. I focus on the spots on the carpet all day trying to figure out ways to make them disappear. And the smell isn't fading very quickly either... sigh, it's all too much for me right now. My diet during this pregnancy is horrific, I down the most fattening disgusting foods to make myself feel better after a long draining day. And then after I fnish the meal I feel so mad at myself for not eating vegetables instead. I scoured my cook books that had collected mass amounts of dust and made myself a list of recipes I want to make. And I will be making them ASAP. I need some delicious home cooked meals to replace all the Dominos and chicken nuggets my poor household has been eating.

All in all things are great- I just need to make a few tweaks, and get more sleep. 

Please dear Lord I need more sleep.