Now that things have (somewhat) settled down and we are no longer looking for "the next best thing" in our lives, as we are now living in a place where we are completely happy. Life is getting kind of boring. Boring in the sense that every day meshes into the next and nothing exciting comes my way. Spontaneity has long left this lady. I remember days before I had kids where my best friend and I would be so bored that a random trip to NYC was the only cure. At 18 you could do anything, go anywhere and everything you did was a blast. The very moment we concocted a scheme we stuck to it (no matter how far the drive or how ridiculous the plan) we would drive 30 minutes to the train station, throw every last dollar we had into buying tickets and make our way to Grand Central only to stay on that one strip because if we strayed too far we would have had no idea how to get back to catch our train. It was an adventure, a random adventure. Planned and never really completely planned well. But it was always fun and there were always laughs. And no matter what, when it came to my friend Livy and I there was always a stop at McDonalds. We had class.
|None of those piercings exist anymore, I miss em'|
|I don't think I ever looked at the camera.|
Derek and I have been sitting home every night ho humming over the fact that our lives are so completely different now. All of our friends have moved onto to careers and lives of their own. There aren't oo many people from our pasts that we keep in touch with and for Derek (more so then I) it is hard. He had a conrete close knit group of friends for his whole life. I on the other hand fluttered from friend to friend like it was a hobby, I'm used to people coming and going just as quickly.
We understand people grow and change and move on. None of it is bad, at all, we love where we are and what we are doing. To me there is no greater thing in the world than raising children. I love my kids beyond words. But it is lonely when it is all you ever do. I have to say (like I have said time and time again) it always bothers me when someone makes a remark that once you have kids your life should only revolve around your family. It is so far from the truth. Why must anyone completely cut themselves off from the rest of the world because they now have a family? It seems so rediculous to me and strikes a nerve in me when people try comforting me with that idea.
"I know it is hard right now and you are lonely, but you have no time for friends or activities you enjoy. You have a family now and that should be your main focus, nothing else."
Cram it. I can make time, and I deserve time. I stay home from morning until night cleaning crap from small butts, kissing boo-boos, chasing away invisible monsters, reading the same book until my mouth feels like it will fall off, making meals and wasting meals, begging a person to eat just two bites (for 45 minutes), the list continues and if you are a mother I need not continue, you get it.
I deserve some time to myself with good friends. Keep your roots, keep yourself, and be yourself. Everyone deserves their own time, without it you go batty. Your children benefit from the strength you show in being who you are, it teaches them to be who they are. While Derek and I are still figuring out what to do to make the mundane a little more fun around here we keep in mind that this moment will pass and time and the kids will grow and with it a little more spontaneity. For now my thoughts remain on the fact that structure for little ones is the best thing I can provide. And when school age hits we are off to random NYC trips, this time with less cleavage and more potty breaks!
And maybe I will look at the camera.