You must give love in order to receive love.

Alright- I have not written in so long.. I know...

Things have been hectic and odd lately. I have felt so weird, and disconnected to everyone and everything. The only exception to this being my children. Something has clicked in me, I really do think it is the breastfeeding that has done this to me (yes, I see you Bekah with your shit eating grin). I remember after having Trace struggling with motherhood. It wasn't that it was too hard, it wasn't that I couldn't handle the tears and fussiness at times.
It was that I struggled between what I read and what I felt inside, the difference of parenting I heard about and experienced in my own childhood was the complete opposite of what my heart wanted for my baby. When Trace cried for the 8th time after putting him down at night all I wanted to do was go in and hold him, kiss him, rock him, console him, but instead I read you had to let him cry to get him to sleep better. I felt terrible and it was heart wrenching to hear him call for me but know I had to wait 2 more mintues to go in and pet his back and then leave him again to start the process all over.
I remember the day I found out about baby wearing, I was overjoyed at the fact that I could have my baby physically attached to me and that the two of us could be the little team I always envisioned. I think I had him in a wrap more then he wasn't even when we didn't leave the house for days. I LOVED the cuddle time we got and that he could nap with his head against my heart beat instead of in his crib. What a novel idea! And to think it has been around since the start of time yet I had never seen it in my day to day life. I remember all the odd looks I got and even questions from my own mother when she saw me place my little nugget into his wrap. "Why? Don't you want a break from holding him?" No, I was good, I was happy. We were one.
Then came my trip to AL where I met one of my best friends, and the only mommy who I knew that also wore their baby like the best jewelry you could every have in life. Bekah asked me every day why I would let Dupies cry in the crib when all he wanted was to come and cuddle. I kept saying to myself "no.. no.. I have to get him on a schedule.." But didn't really know why he needed to be on one, just that "they" said to. So much has changed since meeting my Bekah and she even transformed me into one crazy cloth diapering mommy. I am madly in love with it, and it has somehow crept into my heart enough that I want to be even more natural.
This time around with my little girl I am doing everything that feels right to me not just because someone else says it is right.
I am enjoying my cuddle time, I am not selfish. And despite the fact I am so exhausted at night I am kind of happy my little girl hasn't started sleeping through the night yet because I would miss her so much. I love our night time "sips" and cuddles. I am happy with how my babies will be raised. Time outs aren't working for us but, lots of love and talking to them like they are PEOPLE is working just fine.
Things will be different in my home, because you must give love in order to receive it. And love to me is baby wearing, constant cuddles, nursing whenever my little girl wants even if it's every ten minutes, hugs and kisses, redirection instead of punishing, TALKING, and constant support.


Bekah said...

I am crying now! I love you all so much! Kelly, I am so happy for you! Everyday I learn new things and understand myself better which helps me to become the mother I always wanted to be, It is so great to see you evolving right alongside me <3 <3

Amy said...

Love love love this post! You are an amazing mother!! Your children are beautiful and are very lucky to have such a loving and nurturing mama.
Is it okay if I feature this post on my blog?

HelloKelly said...

Yes Amy I would love that!

Amy said... here it is:)

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