I Never Learn

Every morning my routine is the same. And every morning things run the same way. So why then, do I make the same mistake- every morning? Let me explain a little.... 
Just the same as every other 7 am (lately I have been lucky enough to be pounded in the chest  and smacked in the face with a stuffed Minnie at 6) I am woken up but my monster of a two year old. 

Ok.... ok.... heeeeeeeeeeeere I go..... getting out of bed, slowwwwllly. I get up and lazily (grumpily) find my way to the kitchen. I become a chef- a sippy of milk, a piece of toast with peanut butter, a bowl of cereal. All made with love for my beautiful kid who at this time is whining repeatedly at my leg  for his food and pulling my shirt obnoxiously. I direct him to the couch where I flip on Spongebob and silence ensues. Well, except for the hideous sponge laugh reverberating down my spine in the wee morning hours. 

Then I change Phoenix, I get her dressed, I nurse her.... all the while dreaming of the breakfast I will soon be having. I am absolutely starving at this point. My stomach grumbles and my leg starts to shake a little waiting impatiently for her to finish playing around on me. "Are you done yet? It's been 20 mins baby, NO! Don't bite mommy!! That hurts!" Fifi laughs.... and laughs some more and then scrunches her nose and mouth and breathes in and out quickly, letting me know she thinks mommy is hilarious. 

Then I hear the drum roll in my head. This time I make a beeline to the fridge- out comes the Almond Joy creamer. Into the Keurig I pop my coffee... into the toaster goes my delicious cinnamon raisin toast... butter is waiting at JUSSSTTT the right temperature for smooth toast spreading. It's all laid out perfectly. And I am salivating. This morning along with my toast and coffee I had smuggled a Boston Creme donut into the house without anyone noticing. Oh boy- I went to bed last night excited for this morning to come so I could eat it. Here was my moment! It was so close! Everyone was fed, everyone was distracted and this delicious breakfast is allll mine!! At this point I am like Gollum with his "Preccciiioouusss" 
Replace that ring with a boston creme donut and you get the point.
I collect all my treasures and proceed to the living room to join my tiny family. Trace looks adorable with his toast in hand and eyes glued to the tv. I am so happy, I am so hungry.  
And then it happens. Like every other single morning it happens. 

Trace- "Whats that mommy?"
Me- "It's toast just like you have."
Trace- "I want your toast mommy"
Me- "No Trace, you have the same exact toast right there in your hand."
Trace-"Nooooo mommy!! I want your toast."
Me- "But mommy put such good peanut butter on your toast. Yours looks so much better then mine. Mines gross you don't want mine."

No it's not.. it's so good. OMG please don't take my toast away from me. Mine is still so warm and smells delicious. I put the perfect amount of butter on this thing... Please, please I don't want to eat your ripped up cold soggy toast.

The whining starts, the annoying insistent whining, "Mommy I want youuuurrr toast, my toast is bad."

WHY???? Why don't I ever learn. There are so many other places I could have quietly quickly gobbled this delicious toast up. I could have eaten in in the kitchen alone, I could have gone to my room and scarfed it down before anyone noticed I was gone. Oh geesh, if I was so worried about the kids getting in trouble without me there I could have perched on the kitchen counter like a damn gargoyle and snuck bites when Trace wasn't looking. He wouldn't have been able to reach my precious with me on top of the counter... 
 WHY did I have to pick sitting next to him? 
"I have your toast now mom, here have mine...."
Defeated I eat the half eaten  nasty cold peanut butter toast, and Trace gets the Precious. Because I love him. 

Then I head to the bathroom....

"Mooooooomm can I watch you poop?" 
"No mommy isn't pooping, Trace Go back to the living room and watch Spongebob."
"Oh... then can I wipe your butt?"

Ugh! Is there any way to hide and perch like a gargoyle for this too?

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