I am utterly beat from all the things I got done today. My good friend came over with her husband and daughter to take the kids outside while I got some cleaning and packing done. The packing is driving me nuts- I feel like there is so much that needs to get done yet when I set aside time to do it I realize that everything that can be done is. And the rest has to stay out for every day use until moving day arrives. I don't know what I am worrying so much for- I know it will get done. I just always need to be doing something and packing right now is the biggest endeavor I can take on at the moment.
|Beautiful photo's courtesy of my dear friend, Jen|
|Beautiful photo's courtesy of my dear friend, Jen|
|Trace and Caeley go walking|
Anyway- after some minor packing had been done I sat down to relax with Jen for a bit while the little ones ran circles around her patient husband. We started talking about something that I feel most parents take pretty casually. But for me the idea of these special moments seem so meaningful and important.
I am talking about the "Big Talks", you know the ones you got as a child from your parents. For most girls you have the "Training Bra" talk, the "Shaving Your Legs" talk, the "Period" talk and finally the "Sex" talk. And they are all pretty uncomfortable to go through- and now as a mother I realize it is just as equally uncomfortable from this end of the spectrum. Your children sit there, wide eyed and embarrassed, and you leave thinking "That just went in one ear and out the other". Well I can almost assure that if you made any effort at all in talking to them about the issue at hand then they did hear you. And not only did your child hear you but they felt you as well. They felt that you loved them, and cared for them enough to take the time to explain a seemingly new and scary change in their life. Your children appreciate the special one on one bond that will share after an intimate chat with them.
How do I know this? Simply because I never really had "talks" with my mom. I am not exactly sure why, but I know that I was informed about my period mainly from middle school health classes. That did not seem to be enough for me, I felt like it was not "normal" to get your period until it was discussed with my mom. And when I finally did get my period, although I had the guidance of my school I still felt out of the loop somehow, I was scared. I had no idea what to do with pads or tampons and I believe I had to ask a friend how to even use a tampon. Mortifying. The same went for shaving and using deodorant. For the longest time I thought deodorant went behind your kneecaps as well as your armpits. I honestly never understood why people snickered at me when I would slather some on the back of my knees with joy.
And the sex talk was non-existent until the first time I got caught at 15. Yep... I will be completely open and honest. If someone would have talked to me, really sat down and talked about it, I know I would have waited. But I was young, uneducated, and looking for love in all the wrong places. I was lucky I didn't end up like those girls on MTV. I very well could have. I had no idea what I was doing. And even when I did get caught (Kitty ran away with the evidence and left a present in the living room floor. And that incident is where my mom finally found out I was at least using protection lol) there was still no talk. At the time I don't think I put much though into whether my mom was going to sit me down and go over the birds, the bees, and the blood with me. However looking back I know that as a young teen it was exactly what I craved.
It has really become such a strong belief on my part now that I am a mother to start giving my kids the knowledge they need at the appropriate times they need it. I won't lie, some conversations will be alot more awkward then others. And I honestly started planning my sex conversation before Trace was born. I want to be ready for when the time comes with the perfect words to say! But when the day comes, and they aren't as perfect as I had planned I know it will be ok. I gave them the best opportunity I could by simply letting them know the facts and giving them the time to ask questions and express themselves to me. I want them to feel good about themselves and their bodies. I want them to feel confident in the bond that we share as parent and child.
Start young, start small, but keep your lines of communication and love open. Your kids will come to you if they feel you are open to hearing them. Be open, be ready, and set the time aside if your children do come to you with a question. Make sure to listen and really hear what they have to say. Don't spend all your time lecturing and providing fact after fact. Give them experiences from when you were a child their age. Let them know you can relate, and you know what they are going through.
the director of the Berman Center in Chicago, a specialized healthcare facility for women and couples where she provides general and sexual therapy)
Dr. Berman says it's best to tackle the issue in stages. "They'll first ask how are babies made usually, and you can say, 'It comes from a very special place inside a mother's body named a uterus.' And you can even show a picture of the uterus at that point and get them familiar with anatomy," she says.
Dr. Berman says many kids will ask how the baby gets in the uterus, then how a man's seed gets into a woman. "It's sort of usually a more processed, kind of piece-by-piece conversation in an ideal world," she says.
Take your time and make the time. These moments in life are so important for the closeness you bring to your family. I know I would have felt alot more secure in my family dynamic if certain things were addressed. Come on, deodorant behind my knees? Seriously?
I love my babies and therefore I owe it to them to explain the important stages in their growth and development.