There are so many things you take for granted when you are single without kids. There are the big ones everyone talks about, like sleeping in until 10 and going out whenever you want. Then there are little things, the ones you took for granted so much you never even realized they would become issues in the first place.
Take moving for example- in my case I have been so flustered about getting everything packed up and neatly organized in one room that I have been overlooking how Trace is taking it all. I knew things would be a little rough around here (we have about two weeks left) but I didn't realize how upside down we would all get. In my frenzy I have gotten so much packed up that the walls are bare, we have no plates or silverware, and all the curtains are off the windows. If I had thought it over a little better I would have left Trace's room in tact until the day before. But nope, psycho clean freak had to get it all done in two days. Or else (in my mind) it would never get done at all. So his windows are bare, his walls are bare, his toys are out but in boxes, hiw bookshelf is naked and only three books remain. Worse yet Trace was gone when I did it all and he returned to what was most likely a sad surprise. I havetried explaining time after time where we are going, why we are leaving, and the fact that his things are not gone for good he will see them again real soon. But after a certain point there really isn't much I can say. So he is lost. I can tell that underneath his well behaved exterior he is so confused, and I feel terrible.
Last night was terrible in our home. He can no longer sleep in his own bed at night because he is afriad, and I don't blame him. Everything is so stark in there and he has no window treatments to hide the light. So after a huge battle- and some screaming on both ends. He ended up in our room in a pack n' play. He was hysterical, screaming louder then I have ever heard him, with snots streaming down his face and eyes bugging out. I lost my cool, I was running on fumes at this point and had been waiting for the kids to go down for hours. I wanted some me time and it was apparent that wasn't happening. Every time Trace woke up and started crying, Phoenix would follow suit shortly after. It was never ending. Derek and I threw our hands in the air and packed both chickens in bed with us at 8pm and watched tv with them until we all passed out. Once everyone had calmed down Derek and I looked at eachother and just sighed.
Our bed was over taken by kids sprawled out, I had put up a side guard so Phoenix wouldn't fall off the bed, we were exhausted, but it was all so perfect. Here we were, the four of us in our empty bedroom crammed together in bed and snuggled up close. Trace was happy, Fifi was happy, and mommy and daddy were happy. It is going to be a looooong two weeks. I need to take more moments and stop to explain to Trace what is happening in our surroundings.
I need to stop and take more breaths.
We are going to make it, I just need to take a step outside
of my bubble and realize this moment won't last forever.
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