You Should Never Feel Lost

I have gotten a few texts from friends this week all expressing the same issue. I was honestly surprised how many times I have heard, and felt the exact problem they were having.
" I feel like I am losing myself in being a mom." 

I wish I had the perfect answer to keeping the balance between "You" and being "Mom" . I struggle with this all the time. Though I feel like things are finally falling into place with me. I am starting to balance things a little better day by day. 

When I became a mom was fairly young, I hadn't had much experience outside of high school and full time jobs. I didn't have the typical college fun times that other kids my age were having. At the time I really could have cared less to live in a dorm and party after class. But after a year of motherhood it hit me that I felt like I was losing myself a bit.I was getting a little bummed out that I maybe I had missed something not having the typical college life. It saddened me to even admit this to myself- I felt like bringing it to the surface would make me a bad mother. I questioned how other moms seemed to go day in and out with no sign of exhaustion for mothering. How did these super women do it? I wanted to throw my hands up in exasperation halfway through my sons third meltdown of the day.  

There were (and still are) days where I wanted to climb into my covers and pull the blankets over my head in bed. I wanted to put the pillow over my head and scream. I was tired, I was overwhelmed and most of all I missed the freedom I once had.
Here I was at 22 rocking the tiniest boy in my arms at 3 am, changing diaper after diaper, wearing my son on my back for ten hours a day, cuddling, reading, rocking him.... And I so craved the spontaneity of a night out with friends. And once again with that thought came a tinge of guilt. 

Were moms not allowed to have fun once their bouncing bundle of joys entered the world? Were we new people or still the same ones as before- just with a little family member added? So were we not allowed to go out once in a while and enjoy some freedom? We are! And we must never forget to do this once in a while, you need it to be a BETTER mom! Your brain recharges, you laugh and smile, you share old stories with friends,you go back to your roots, and you gush over the amazing child you have at home sleeping peacefully in his bed.
You come home feeling recharged and renewed. 

I refuse to allow myself to feel guilty for missing the things I used to do before babies. I refuse to feel guilty that I crave my alone time when I don't have it for days at a time. I refuse to feel guilty that I am overwhelmed by parenting at times. Because you know what? I'M HUMAN! And all the seemingly robotic perfect mother's I think I see, aren't. THEY ARE HUMANS. Just like me.
So instead of feeling like I have lost pieces of myself,  I like to to look at it as I am adding to myself.

I am Kelly:
Cat Loving
McDonald's Craving
Dance Hating
Paranormal Fanatic
Tattoo Having
Cloth Diaper Obsessed 
Baby wearing
Attachment Parenting
When I put that all together I see a picture of a very fulfilled person. I am proud of where I have come, the personality I poses, and the wondrous family I have obtained these past few years. I will never want to go back to the days before I had kids. I may miss some of the fun things I can no longer do as often, but they will never compare to the joys that having a family brings. 

So friends- Don't look at the life you own now as missing things. Don't look at yourself as half a person you once were. Look at your life with the simple fact you brought people into this world who love YOU more than any other person. And look at yourself as being filled to the brim with amazing feelings and joys, as opposed to losing yourself in the process. 

To My Friends- 
I Love You All, So Very Much. 
You can always come to me if you need to talk.
I am battling the same emotions you do too.


olivia chelsea said...

Made me wanna cry haha. I love you <3

Apple Blossom said...

weird I just got on blogger to write about the same thing, but somehow you've seemed to some it up better than I could have. I have that same back and forth pull but in the end no party could ever amount to the happiness I feel waking up every morning to my 2 beautiful girls :) Celebrate life and the ever inevitable future not the past and what could have been :) Peace and much much love

Cate Tsahalis said...

I had my son at the age of twenty-four, younger than all of my friends, so I understand many of your feelings. I also know that somehow guilt and mothering seem to go hand in hand. But I truly believe that we must keep that guilt at bay. Women are complex creatures, and we must feel free to balance and nurture all aspects of our being. I firmly believe that if we lose ourselves as individuals, we diminish ourselves as mothers. We can't give what we don't have, so me must grant ourselves the freedom to renew and grow. When we do this, everyone benefits. You are wise to have made this connection.

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