Went to the Dr's today, as they finally have powered restored and it was the first time I could talk to anyone about what has been going. I was advised last night (right before almost being admited to the hopsital) to stop taking the Celexa and double up on the Klonopin. Therefore I now have to completely cut Phoenix off nursing effective immediately.
My heart is aching, my boobs are throbbing in pain and I feel like I am right back in the infant stage of breastfeeding. I had made it to my goal of one year and I was ready for a goal of two years! Darnit!
For those of you (like my husband) who say "It was bound to happen sometime." Or the one person who told me to "cut the cord"- I say "Fuck Off"! Come back and tell me that after you nourished your child %100 with your own body for a year. Say those thoughtless comments after your daughter has built up her own special bond with you and depends on you for not only her basic needs but her emotional comfort as well. Of course I will be upset having to stop-especially so abruptly. Poor Phoenix, she loves her boobies and the warm safety they bring to her. Whether it be waking up scared alone at night or getting a boo-boo. Or even just to cuddle and be close to mama. It's all for the best but that doesn't take away the sting of an unplanned swift weaning. I am so proud of myself none the less. I battled alot of crap this past year with breastfeeding. And I would do it all over again if I had to.
In the mean time while I reluctantly find a new therapist and medication, I am having blood work done to make sure none of this is all some hormonal mess from my pregnancies.
I am off to nap while the kids do. Forget the laundry, dirty diapers, and leggos scattered across my living room. This mama needs sleep and some time alone in dream land.