With the the first birthday of my daughter coming up I asked her godmother and my best friend Amanda (Auntie Amie) to write a letter to her on how much their love has grown in the past year. My best friend Amanda has been by my side since high school, I even spent quite some time living with her while I was going through my own struggles. She is my family and one of those people you could not to speak to for months but come back with the knowledge that you still love each other and start talking again like no time has passed. She is amazing to my children and has been my rock when I truly needed support. Here are the beautiful words she wrote to my princess.
My Dear Baby Phoenix,
The day that your mommy told me Trace was on his way was one of the best days of my life. I'll never forget the moment that Kelly told me there was a baby coming. I was so happy, knowing that, finally, there was a purpose and a meaning to your mommy's life. She had been waiting so long for a fill to the void in her heart. I'd tried for so long to be the family that she had been missing for so long...but a sister can only be so much. Trace was the biggest part of her huge heart, and I've never felt my own heart swell in any way. And just when I thought I couldn't care any more, I got that second text...
Hearing that a little baby girl was coming broke my heart in the best way possible. I knew instantly that I was about to love someone more than I'd ever love myself. I remember hearing about your birth via text messages, facebook messages, and phone calls. I thought that I was prepared to see you, but the first time I did, my breath caught in my throat. You were my first cloth diaper, my first time being barfed on, my first child that I felt so connected to.
Then, when you were a few months old, I was over on a particularly fussy night. Every time you cried, I offered to help you. Not only because Kelly and Derek were exhausted, but because I wanted to be comfort for you. I wanted you to know that there is someone, at least one person other than Mommy and Daddy that love you with their whole heart...and Kelly looked at me and said, "Do you love my kid even when she cries?" and I said, "Of course." and she said, "Promise?" and after I promised, Kelly looked at me and said, "Will you be Fifi's Godmommy?" My heart swelled and burst instantly. I knew that there was suddenly, without expectation, a love in my heart that I'd never felt before. I love that was absolutely unconditional. Whether or not it's official, you're my Godbaby.
Fifi, I promise no matter what you ever go through, I'll be here for you. I know what it's like to not be able to talk to your parents, and even though I know Kelly and Derek are the best people you'll EVER meet, I'm here for you. If you need a hand to told, here I am. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. No matter where or when you are in the world, I'm here. You saved my life, and I owe you so much more than you'll ever know. Auntie Amie will never leave your side, or your family.
Kelly Smith Trafton, you mean more than anyone in the world. You're the only person who knows EVERYTHING about me, my biggest secrets, regrets, successes, and hopes. I have never had anyone mean more to me than you do. You've been there through everything,
bad, good, in between. The horrible nights of crying and sleeping, the great nights of adventures and discussions, the bored nights....I promise you, more than anything I've ever meant in my life, I'm here. You can't do anything to get rid of me, so don't even try. I love you.
|The trashy MySpace days|
|Jeffree Star- no shame|
|Max and Ruby live show!|
you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.
<3 amanda marie cunningham