Being on bed rest has been killing me!
I have been struggling to not just get off the couch and clean my entire home in one swoop. But the last time I attempted that I was in the emergency room an hour later. Thankfully my sister is here all weekend helping me out, and doing all my household duties. I am so grateful as always for the help I have been given.
While the housework is something I need to forget for now, what I cannot forget is the fact my poor kids haven't had a fully functioning mommy in about 2 months now. These poor babies have had everyone else but mommy play with them, take them outside, go on adventures with them... While I just sit here. They don't understand why "Mommy can't play right now". All they see is a mommy who doesn't seem to want to play.
And that breaks my heart.
However this time with my butt on the couch has given me an opportunity to find new ways to love my kids. I won't lie- there has been more then enough tv watching going on to last us all a lifetime. It's bad but I am just trying to survive at the moment. I am trying to keep the newest addition alive. So tv is a must. But with that comes more cuddling, more conversation, more closeness.
And maybe some video games.
Along with the snuggle bond we have been building, I have been looking at the smaller things I do as the things that will help shape my children later in life. If I were busy with "life as usual" I would miss the parts of my parenting that I am now starting to really realize are actually powerful despite how minute I may see them. From my birds eye view on the couch (ugh, just typing that word makes me want to stab a couch) I see all the beautiful ways Trace loves his sister. The way he shares with her, the way he tells her she is cute, the way he teaches her things. I see all the adorable ways Phoenix is with Trace- she loves to lean on him while watching tv (even though he pushes her away). She follows him everywhere. The new line in the house is, "Hey Fifi wanna go on an adventure with me?" The pair go off in their own world. Phoenix looks up to her brother so much and it is such a heartwarming experience to watch.
I have taken moments in time that I would normally think nothing of and realized they are actually bond strengthening experiences. Naps for example are something Trace and I have taken together whenever the opportunity arose.
Crawling in to mommy and daddy's bed on a scary night were something we accepted no matter what- but thought nothing of. Now I realize the precious time we share snuggling in bed holding eachtoher's hands as we sleep, are so important. He will forever remember the safety he felt coming to us for comfort when he was afraid to sleep alone. And he will always know that if he needs us just to cuddle, that we are here for him. I am beginning to appreciate the little ways we love our children as oppsosed to having to do extravagant things to feel like my parenting was acceptable that day.
|Don't mind the terrible nail upkeep|
Like most mother's I second guess and criticize everything I do.
I can't help it- all I want is the best for my angels.
What I won't ever doubt is the fact that I make sure to feed into my child's confidence every single day. I focus on the good he does, I compliment the way he treats his sister, the way he shares, the way he loves his family, how smart he is, and over all the simple fact that he is my son.
While I struggle with bed rest and an uncertain pregnancy, along with the sadness I battle while coping with a loss of someone who meant alot to me. I have the sincere belief that the path I am on is one purposefully set before me, to teach me something very important. I have said it time and time again- I am on Earth to grow spiritually which will in turn help me those around me. And I open my arms to these experiences because through hard times and beautiful times, I become a stronger better person.
A better mother.
P.s. Some good news for you all! We are finally getting a new laptop and I am dying to get back to blogging on a daily basis! Heck- a weekly basis would be amazing.