Rest And No Relaxation

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” 
- Nelson Mandela

This mama has been having a rough go lately. I have been heavily bleeding for over a week now on and off. And after a trip to the emergency room yesterday afternoon, we found I have a tear in my placenta. I wish I could write you all something deeply personal about how I am feeling right now but at the moment I have zero energy. I have been in bed as early as 7:30 on some nights. And that is with being on bedrest all day and having the help of my family members during the week! I am sleeping like a hybernating bear haha.
This pregnancy has been such a rough one and I hope that things play out the way they are meant to within the next few days. The doctors haven't given me much hope of a lasting pregnancy and I have made my peace with whichever way this is to end. There should be no doubt I love this tiny fetus like it were already here but my body has been so weakened by sickness, bleeding, and over all care of the house while being pregnant. I know all of the energy surrounding me is a lesson I must soak in. I have kept my awareness the entire time I have been experiencing the ups and downs of a possible miscarriage. My brain is fried but I keep my postivitiy and sense of humor about it. Probably to a degree some may cringe, but hey, it's me and I make terrible jokes in awkward situations. And even when it's about myself- I will continue to do so. What better medicine to saddness then laughter?
This has been coupled with the loss of a wonderful inspiring woman in my life. I am having a hard time accepting her passing and believing she is actually in heaven and not at home fussing over her hair and talking to herself as she does the dishes. I am so thankful to have heard voice ringing in my ears eah time I think of her. I am so happy to have such laughter enducing memories of her. And I am mostly happy that she has gone back to her husband. After he has passed she was lost without him and all she wanted was to be with him again. And she recieved her wish. The perfect couple are back in eachother's arms and I am so happy for her.
I am chugging along and keeping my happiness the biggest priority. If I didn't I'd have a meltdown daily. I am so blessed to have the family I do. Everything has been dropped to make sure I can get rest and my kids are still taken care of. My only hope is that I can give back to the people who have helped me so much. Once my belly settles and things are calmer I will be right there to help everyone I can!
I am off to lay down and rest some more! Keep your fingers crossed for sweet baby #3!

I will leave you with the excitment in my home lately :D
Care Bear overload!
Jumpy Castle in the house!
Phoenix and Huckle cuddling
  I spent all day yesterday practing being in the NOW. Whenever I got stressed I would stop myself and take in all that surrounded me. I would find joy in every situation. It helped to keep me feeling centered and balanced. And oddly I chose the right day considering I was on a hospital bed with needles sticking in me. It truly helped.

My gorgeous son

Love of my life<3
Lovely card from my mom
Morning relaxation!

  I am filled with the serenity that my life is flowing in the perfect order. I am filled with the hope that whichever way this pregancy pans out that it was meant for me to grow. And I truly feel such growth experiencing this.

 "There are hundreds of paths up the mountain,
all leading in the same direction,
so it doesn't matter which path you take.
The only one wasting time is the one
who runs around and around the mountain,
telling everyone that his or her path is wrong."
-Hindu teaching


Shaina said...

Hugs and love always, Kelly! <3

Amy said...

Kelly, peace to you.

You are so brave. Thinking of you down here in TX.

Anonymous said...

Wishing you love & light! You are strong.


laviera, photography & people lover said...

Despite it all, your strength resonates through your words. Through your hardships your entries say "but I am hanging on, because I am able."

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