Waiting For The Door To Open

I spent a large majority of yesterday scouring the internet for rental homes in our area. My in-laws picked  the kids up for the weekend and I searched and searched for places. Besides word of mouth, finding rental homes that fit our criteria is extremely tough. And the time frame to do it in is driving me insane. It's been 24 hours since getting notice we need to start looking for a new home and my head has exploded with "to-do" lists, tears, anxiety, and ambition. 
We were passed a link to a Craigslist ad for a beautiful rental home in our area and I instantly sent the woman who posted the ad a message asking to check it out. She said she barely read my email before calling me (that sounds promising right?!). We spoke briefly and although it was pouring rain, hail, and my gazebo had completely blown off my patio- Derek and I headed over to look over her home. 
The outside is beautiful and the backyard is huge! 
The inside of the home was adorable and with a few coats of paint and some "Kelly scrubbing" it would look wonderful. The bedrooms are smaller then what we have now but realistically I know we have exceptionally large rooms in the home we are in now. The basement is half finished and would be a perfect place for a playroom. It also holds a small room that Derek could use as a studio for recording music. 
I will have to look into finding homes for the kittens, and that kills me. I feel like such a pet failure with how many pets I have had to give away. The owner of this home is not very fond of cats but I hoping if we cannot find another place she will at least allow Muffin to stay with us. I could never part with my beloved Himalayan. 
I am trying so hard to be strong and to keep myself in a higher level of thought. I know that if I keep myself in the positive, I will be just fine. I need to look at this time as an adventure. For both me and the kids. I hate the feeling of uprooting my children from a place they love so much. But like a dear friend of mine said to me this morning as I cried to her on the phone, "change is a part of life, they need to realize that." And yes this is true. As much as I love my overly emotional inner self I do need to buck up in some cases. I need to give myself a sense of strength to make it through this quick transition. Even if I just pretend for a little. 
I am totally fine with moving from this home, I love it here but this is what we signed up for. What has taken me completely aback is the short amount of time we have to find something that I hope will be a semi-permanent spot. We have moved every single year for three years now. I need to settle, my body and mind crave it. 
I have to say that support from my husband is so beautiful, I can tell he is a little uneasy about such a quick pick up but he is doing so well at keeping things light hearted and as easy as possible. I love the way we balance eachother- when I need courage, he gives that to me. When he needs strength I can be there for him. We become the main trait that the other needs at any given moment. It's a beautiful thing that I have come to really appreciate in my times of need. 
The next chapter of our lives is starting, and I need to be present enough to let the door open on its own.


Dana said...

It's funny, I was looking at that same house with possible roommates--looks great! I ended up settling on a cute apartment closer to Wesleyan, where I am now working after graduating from there this past May. Although, CT is a funny place to rent, I must say I didn't have the easiest time. So I totally feel you.

HelloKelly said...

Dana who gets that sad excuse for a second room upstairs, the tiny little hole in the wall haha? Lol. We decided against that house and are continuing our search. And it's EXTREMELY hard finding places. Which is really bringing me down but we will figure something out.

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