i know that you knew this post was coming. i blogged a readers digest version of kelly and amie, but here comes the sappy post to my best friend in the world.
you know that i take on the bleeding hearts, the people who need saving, the ones who are lost and hurting. because of this, as quick as i take someone into my heart, they leave. other people have best friends who stick around forever, cliques who stay friends for years. i've never had that. no one sticks around for me. this fact made me really sad for a long time. i woke up everyday, not feeling like i had a place or worth. i have friends for a few months, maybe a year at most. it's been like this forever. it hurts sometimes.
but, then, there are times i open my eyes and realize, it doesn't matter that i don't have 30 friends who care about me. there's one reason for this. i don't need tons and tons of friends. i just need the one person who has stuck with me for years. and that's you, kelly. you know this.
we've been through so much. you've been there for my best and worst times, and i can say the same about you. for every (good or bad) adventure we've gone on, for every long drive, for every day or night spent with you, for every time we've laughed for cried, for every time i've fallen down, when i feel like i'm at my lowest, whether you know it or not, you've been there. you've been my hand to hold, my friend to get crazy with, my mom to tell me i'm being an idiot, and my sister to love me through all these stages. i'll never forget the nights i spent, honestly broken. i've laid awake, unable to sleep, crying and hurting. and through it all, i felt your tiny hand in mine. i know that we've both been there for one another through our dumb decisions (which i won't elaborate on for the sake of your blog.....haha) but you will never truly understand how much you've done for me. i've longed for stability my whole life, for someone to show me that they won't give up on me. and there you are. i know that i don't always do what's best for me, or the people around me, but you've held on. i'll never thank you enough for that.
when we were sitting upstairs the other day, and you were sad, it broke my heart. but sitting on the bathroom floor of this beautiful red house, we shared one of the best moments of my life. people have said "best friend" and "family" to me before, but with tears in both of our eyes, you told me that we will always be family. and for the first time, i believed it. i knew, without any shred of doubt, that i have found someone to understand me completely. without judgement. without secret disappointment. you love me, kelly, and that means more to me than i could ever say in words.
aside from my issues, i want to tell you just how proud of you i am for overcoming, or at least dealing with, your own. i've watched you change from a lost, scared, little girl to a beautiful, independent, caring woman. you inspire me every single day. you show me that there is true belief in the world. that someone has the ability to care for two little tiny people more than they care for themself (and that's saying something, remember "attention"). you've allowed me to come along for the journey of you growing up, and that has given me so much hope. by making me phoenix's godmother, you've given me a whole new reason to open my eyes to the good in the world. every time i see her, or hold her, or play with her, i look at the face of something so beautiful, innocent, and pure. aside from that, i see you. i see a mother who loves her children more than life itself. i see the most amazing feeling a person can have. and that makes me wake up each morning wanting to be better. i want to be the best i can for her, for trace, for you. i am here whenever, wherever, however you need me. thank you for everything you've ever done, and will continue to do, for me. i'm crying like a baby right now and i feel pretty pathetic, but there's no other way for me to show you.
to everyone who reads this blog, or is friends with kelly, or knows of kelly, consider yourself blessed. the most beautiful person who has ever lived has touched your life. she loves and appreciates each and every one of you more than you know. and for that, you yourself are blessed.
i love you, best friend. for yesterday, for now, for tomorrow, for always. now i'm ready for you to come homeeeeeeeeeeee!