Yesterday I spent my morning solo shower wrestling a screaming Phoenix who was attempting to climb into the bath as I shaved my legs. Finally with one half of my leg shaved, and conditioner not thoroughly rinsed from my hair, I gave up on the whole premise of a shower while the kids were awake. I hopped out soaking wet and picked up my baby. The second her hand touched my wet skin she scrunched her nose and smacked me until I put her down, she wanted nothing to do with my wet hugs.
Exasperated and still half hairy I threw on the single pair of shorts I own, for the third consecutive day in a row and threw my tangled sopping hair into a messy bun. I slathered on my facial creme, quickly covered my face in foundation and dabbed the smallest amount of eye-shadow on. I was racing the clock. I almost forget to brush my teeth, which has happened more times then I can count anymore. An unplanned doctors appointment, Trace piling every pillow in the house into a neat tower and attempting to scale it, and Phoenix still at my heels screaming for whatever reason gave me little time to make myself presentable for the one trip I had into "the real world" this week.
There used to be a time, pre-baby of course, that I would spend almost two hours getting ready. I would lovingly search through the mountains of makeup I owned for the perfect shade of eye color to match my clothes, meticulously line my eyes with liner, cover myself in bronzer, and do my hair in the cutest way I knew how. My nails and eyebrows were done every other week, my hair always dyed whenever I chose.
This morning as I quickly dried my long locks I realized I honestly haven't gotten a trim in close to two years. Forget the lavish mani/pedi. Those were long faded memories of a girl I once was. My eyebrows are now a laughable sight, I pluck them here and there if I have a free moment. Most of the time I don't even bother anymore.
This isn't a case of neglect, it's a case of simply no time or money to put towards self care at the moment. And for the most part I really don't mind. I know that my children come first and I love the fact I can be there for them at every chance.
This also isn't a case of envying those who have the time to get all these lovely things done, or jealousy of the way others look. I love myself, I love the way I look. I simply wish I could manage both the upkeep of my children and myself in a better manner. However once you have kids that $50 on nails and $200 on hair turn into clothing, shoes and food for everyone but mommy and daddy. I kick myself every morning as I scrounge through whats left of the outfits I own, as soon as Phoenix arrived I chucked every last maternity item I owned. I wanted nothing to do with any of it anymore. I was done.
And now here I am day four.... or is it five, in the same black shorts. They really are too short and I am pretty sure if I bent over you could see my crotch. Oh well, it's better then my single pair of thick leggings in 80 degree weather. My once loved blonde hair is now a muddy brown to hide the roots I could never keep up with. The highlights I had done months ago are half way down my hair and look ridiculous. I chuckle at them as I hurriedly dry my hair and skip the daily straightening I once did.
How the hell do moms do it?
I see pictures of mothers with perfect hair, manicured nails, and awesome clothes walking down a wooded path with all their babies in tow. Is this real? Where is the time and money for all this after the expenses and time of children are taken out?
Do I really need to let the way I feel when I am nicely dressed and primped go for the simple fact that I now have (almost 3) toddlers to tend to day and night? When my hair and makeup are done and I wearing a pretty dress it truly does change the way I parent. I feel sun shiny inside and out when I feel I look pretty. My confidence boosts and I love the days I take the time to pamper myself and my husband comes home from work surprised I did more then throw on unbuttoned jeans and an undersized top. His eyes light up and he always compliments me quickly. I want him to be proud of me, not just because I am a good mommy but because he still thinks of me as the beautiful wife he married. Call it superficial but I don't care. I like to look pretty for my hubby (and myself).
I dream of a day filled with shopping sprees and spas. I know things will get easier once the kids grow a little more. However until then I need to figure out a way to balance myself and the babies. Neither one should be neglected, and this morning I am feeling kind of neglected.