Life Lately.

I am dying to meet this baby!
 I am big and sweaty and impatient. Currently I am the farthest I have ever been with any of my pregnancies! Which is something I should be so excited and proud of, yet, I was really expecting to have had Pixie by now. And even though I am only 37 weeks- I just want it to be over with. I am ready to hold my baby and get my body back and have the energy I need to dedicate myself to Trace and Phoenix again. I miss being the best mom I can be for them because right now I am not at all. It kills me. My exhaustion and body feel like such a hindrance to me and I have no patience for myself any more. 

I recently started back up on Prozac and for the first time in forever I am beyond grateful that I asked for help when I knew I needed it. After months of crying every single day, feeling completely hopeless in my marriage and absolutely alone, I now feel a new sense of strength. It most certainly isn't all due to the medication as I have grown stronger within myself and the realization of life as it is right now. But, I do notice a sense of lightness that I was missing before starting on the medicine. I am happy. I know things are going to be different from here on out, and maybe they won't be exactly like how I envisioned my path to go, but I am certain and hopeful that I will grow so deeply from the experiences I am having right now. I am getting myself back on my own two feet and learning to be a little more independent. While pregnancy feels like I am being held back, I know I won't be for long. I plan on getting through the first three months with Pixie and loving her every moment of the day, and then I will begin the hunt for a job. For the first time in four years of being a stay at home mom I know I am ready to move forward and make some money (and friends) for myself. 

I want an existence of my own outside the realm of motherhood, and it seems my life is certainly pushing me towards that. I am open to whatever beckons me and so happy to be thinking of myself for once. It's been a long time. 



P.s.
. Please have patience with me as I navigate my life. I miss blogging and expressing myself so much yet there has been little time to do anything at all but get through each day. I haven't touched the laptop in almost a month, eek! Forgive me. I hope to get back into the swing of things soon. But don't worry! Once Pixie arrives I will update ASAP!

6 comments:

Amanda said...

Omg!! I've heard of your blog on a few others that I read, and have even read some posts here and there.. But I just realized today that you must be due on the exact same day as me?! I also hit 37 weeks yesterday.. I'm due Sept. 23. Crazy!K

HelloKelly said...

Amanda I am due the same day as you, yes! That is so funny! Aren't you going NUTS!?! I can't take it anymore! lol

Dana said...

You got this! Sometimes asking for help is the hardest part (been there), and thus, requires serious strength (not weakness). So you got the momentum going :)

Amanda said...

Haha this is our first and I'm still, for the most part, basking in all wonderful things that are pregnancy.. But.. Yes, I'm getting to the point where I want to have my body back and see my feet again! And we couldn't be more excited to meet our little guy. But I try to keep in mind that it's up to him, when the time is right to show his face lol. I've certainly been a randomly emotional wreck the past week.. Ugh, hormones..

Hayley said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hayley said...

Kelly! I have been thinking about you and wondering if Pixie had arrived yet. I have been out of the loop when it comes to blogging. It is great that you are beginning to think about yourself and trying to find something for yourself outside of your role as a mama. I often forget to do things for myself, and that usually leads to stress (or a hormonal meltdown.)You are amazing, beautiful, and talented. I wish you a wonderful birth experience!

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