Welcome, welcome my sweet baby!
September 14, 2012
Mama is T-I-R-E-D! And so overwhelmed with joy. After 38 weeks of working to grow my perfect little human she graced me with her presence and the most beautiful birth experience I have had with any of my children.
After some testing and uncertainty on my part that my water was leaking- I was admitted into L&D around 7pm to walk the halls until contractions picked up. Nothing was going on within my body besides a gush of fluid here and there and although I felt the hopefulness that my journey was almost done- I also felt the anxiety of a long night ahead. And when a nurse mentioned pitocin was in my future I felt even more uneasy. I wanted so badly for labor to start naturally so I paced around in a too-small-for-such-a-big-belly nightgown and robe. The hospital provided gowns and such but I had remembered how massively big they were for me and had made it a mission to be comfortable this time around, luckily the nurses allowed me to wear my own clothes and I was one happy camper.
Not long after I started walking did contractions pick up and I found myself doubled over railings and leaning against walls to brace myself for the next wave. I kept going not wanting to stop and halt the progress being made- I was in mission mode to avoid pitocin for as long as I could. Derek trailed behind video camera in tow.
Finally my contractions picked up enough that I had to lay down, the pain was too much and I knew I wouldn't be able to walk at all if I didn't get back to the safety of my room. The horrible cervix check was performed and I had dialated a bit but it still seemed that there would be no end in sight until the next morning. I was highly debating an epidural just like my last two but decided to fight through the pain for as long as I could. I had always envisioned going naturally yet never felt the urge to try hard enough to do so. This time would be my last chance and I would fight through the pain for as long as I could stand it.
About an hour passed since I had gone back to my room to lay down and things had started progressing rather quickly. My doctor decided to break my water and see if we could get the ball moving more. And boy did it start rolling- like a freight train. An excruciatingly painful freight train. Every wave of pain left me in a zone of internal strength. Nothing was comforting to me and no one could help me through what I was enduring- except for myself. At that moment I felt powerful and weak at the same time- I wanted to scream for help but knew help would only come from within myself. So I kept quiet and focused on my breathing. Each time everything in the room melted away and I was left floating, internally pleading with my body to hurry this contraction along and give me the reprieve I desired so badly. I wanted my baby, I wanted my body emptied, I wanted the pressure and hurting to end. I was ready. And so I continued on only screaming for pain meds once I hit 10 cm and the urge to push arose. And then it was too late- there was no going back, only forward.
Four pushes later and everything inside of me felt lighter, I felt amazing. And there she was, my tiny Pixie laying on my chest.
I can clearly remember my first thought as I looked at her.
"She's actually real. She's a real person."
For some reason all the struggle this pregnancy had left me feeling like I was pregnant with something other than a child. I felt like my pregnancy would never end and I would be that way forever. But no- my sweet angel was laying on my chest and her cries were so beautiful to me. I was in love instantly.
|Recovery was amazing! I felt so good the next day!|
Life is hectic right now with continual nursing and two toddlers with the flu (and they shared with mama too) but I am so happy to have my little girl here with her family. Her older brother and sister love her so much and have instantly taken her under their wings. It's a beautiful thing to see the joy she brings to each member of our family in only a matter of days. I am honored to be their mother.
So much love to all of you who have continued to lift me up on my journey through life. Thank you for the well wishes and support you continue to provide me.
Each of your loving words are hugs to my heart.